Vagrant.............

Well on Wednesday I'm going over to Rossendale with my lovely friend Nikki cause we needed a random drive and I thought - hey I know the area. Seeing Chink as well for a little bit which will be weird weird weird. I could of waited till July. But for some reason, I feel kinda low self confidence and I think he'll take one look at me and laugh. He said course he wouldn't but I dunno, I feel weird about it all.

Stayed at Karl's last night. Si was all good with me all day being nice, then Karl and him went to the pub and they came back and Si was all going on about shagging people and I mean - come on - I've been sleeping with him for 5 months knowing nothing is going to come of it. Doesn't mean he has to start going on about that. It'll definately make me sleep with him less. When he shags his bit on the side - it's only been twice but the condom split so he had to stop. What if the condom splits when he's shagging a random who also has a STD. Not sure if I want to take the risk. Gen said I've got Chink now so Si can go to hell but Chink isn't exactly here right now is it. He's not to hand and I don't particularly want to sleep with any random people so oh well. I'm sure Karl is encouraging it too. Si stops talkin about it and is fine with me then Karl will look over, see we're fine and bring it up again. It's making things awkward. i don't know what he's playing at. But if I've learnt anything by knowing Si it's the fact a lot of the time he's all mouth and nothing more. Bless him. This morning Si still wasn't 100% better so he stayed at home; Karl wasn't at work and Gen n Rich went out to work. We sat there and had a great smoke and I've been fucked all day lol.

Chink is probably going to be skint when he comes over, oooo less than 3 weeks now. So it'll be nice not to have to "entertain" him, you know, go out and stuff because he knows I can't afford it so we'll just be chilling. That I guess will be the most realistic thing to do if he's thinking of moving. Obviously it's not a "normal" situation but sitting around chilling in each other's company will be the biggest thing that could decide if there will be a me and him. If it doesn't work out then I don't know. It's start afresh again. Don't know if I can do that. So much effort for nothing type of thing. Was feeling really insecure so I said to Chink that I don't think he'll come at all, and he sent texts persuading me that of course he'll be there cause he's looking forward to it too much. I said you'll find an excuse; money, losing the ticket, circumstances. He sent me this text, "I will, I promise. Even if I'm as poor as a vagrant smackhead". I laughed at that despite not knowing what vagrant means. Looking it up, it says, "a person who wanders about idly and has no permanent home or employment; vagabond; tramp". Well, I hope he's not quite as bad as that.

Have an eye consultation tomorrow at the Dior counter. Can't wait ^.^ despite having a big fuck off spot at the end of my nose. Everyone has said I've got pen on my nose and I've had to explain to everyone, which really was not the best thing. Makes me really paranoid and Karl pointing it out and laughing loudly didn't do much for my confidence. He's can be a knob sometimes.

xXx