My friend Hayley who works on customer services broke up with her boyfriend on Sunday I think it was. Karl took her out Wednesday to cheer her up and they went back to Karl's and got wrecked with Si. When Si went to bed they kissed. I'm not happy though. At the end of the day, Si and I asked permission to start seeing each other and we didn't hide it. It's too awkward, we all work together and I don't know why I'm just not happy with it and when she asked I told her I wasn't and she said "Let's see what happens" which means she's going to go and do it anyway and I don't know just grrrrrrr. Gen said I've got Simon so I shouldn't bother, but Karl and I slept together on our own. We hugged, we kissed, we held hands, it was nice, the problem was it had feeling. I have feelings..........and I still kinda like him even when he's grown his hair into some unknown afro type of thing.
I don't know what to do.
I've got to let him go at some point - but this is too close to home
xXx
Saturday, 28 June 2008
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
....I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Someone just sent me this is an e-mail:
Silky hair frames her face
A face of beauty and timeless grace
Her eyes are large, round yet empty
Where shadows lie, there are secrets...plenty
The mirror hides what’s deep inside
A broken smile hides helpless cries.
Cute.
Well it's Wednesday and as I'm typing this at twenty past 3 in the afternoon I'm not in Rossendale. Nikki got some bad news about her mother so couldn't make it so I got up late, Nikki came round, we went out and got a subway and a Corenetto ice-cream and now she's gone again to see her mother and then to go out with Pete for a Chinese.
In the words of the White Stripes; "I just don't know what to do with myself". I think I shouldn't have been so optimistic about the next 3 weeks; it'll all be a disaster. Even I know that. Don't think Chink will even come round despite the tickets being bought and everything. I texted him and pranked him today and he's not even text me back. Which makes me think. Decided, I hate it. In one of them moods completely. Just feel like shit with nothing to do and with me that is never a good combination for anything. Gen isn't even texting me back which makes me think that I've done something wrong but what that wrong is, I don't know. I need to do something and hear from people cause I am getting dead paranoid and I know it's stupid but I hate ebign on my own and I go into thinking overdrive.
Fuck sake.
Silky hair frames her face
A face of beauty and timeless grace
Her eyes are large, round yet empty
Where shadows lie, there are secrets...plenty
The mirror hides what’s deep inside
A broken smile hides helpless cries.
Cute.
Well it's Wednesday and as I'm typing this at twenty past 3 in the afternoon I'm not in Rossendale. Nikki got some bad news about her mother so couldn't make it so I got up late, Nikki came round, we went out and got a subway and a Corenetto ice-cream and now she's gone again to see her mother and then to go out with Pete for a Chinese.
In the words of the White Stripes; "I just don't know what to do with myself". I think I shouldn't have been so optimistic about the next 3 weeks; it'll all be a disaster. Even I know that. Don't think Chink will even come round despite the tickets being bought and everything. I texted him and pranked him today and he's not even text me back. Which makes me think. Decided, I hate it. In one of them moods completely. Just feel like shit with nothing to do and with me that is never a good combination for anything. Gen isn't even texting me back which makes me think that I've done something wrong but what that wrong is, I don't know. I need to do something and hear from people cause I am getting dead paranoid and I know it's stupid but I hate ebign on my own and I go into thinking overdrive.
Fuck sake.
Monday, 23 June 2008
Vagrant.............
Well on Wednesday I'm going over to Rossendale with my lovely friend Nikki cause we needed a random drive and I thought - hey I know the area. Seeing Chink as well for a little bit which will be weird weird weird. I could of waited till July. But for some reason, I feel kinda low self confidence and I think he'll take one look at me and laugh. He said course he wouldn't but I dunno, I feel weird about it all.
Stayed at Karl's last night. Si was all good with me all day being nice, then Karl and him went to the pub and they came back and Si was all going on about shagging people and I mean - come on - I've been sleeping with him for 5 months knowing nothing is going to come of it. Doesn't mean he has to start going on about that. It'll definately make me sleep with him less. When he shags his bit on the side - it's only been twice but the condom split so he had to stop. What if the condom splits when he's shagging a random who also has a STD. Not sure if I want to take the risk. Gen said I've got Chink now so Si can go to hell but Chink isn't exactly here right now is it. He's not to hand and I don't particularly want to sleep with any random people so oh well. I'm sure Karl is encouraging it too. Si stops talkin about it and is fine with me then Karl will look over, see we're fine and bring it up again. It's making things awkward. i don't know what he's playing at. But if I've learnt anything by knowing Si it's the fact a lot of the time he's all mouth and nothing more. Bless him. This morning Si still wasn't 100% better so he stayed at home; Karl wasn't at work and Gen n Rich went out to work. We sat there and had a great smoke and I've been fucked all day lol.
Chink is probably going to be skint when he comes over, oooo less than 3 weeks now. So it'll be nice not to have to "entertain" him, you know, go out and stuff because he knows I can't afford it so we'll just be chilling. That I guess will be the most realistic thing to do if he's thinking of moving. Obviously it's not a "normal" situation but sitting around chilling in each other's company will be the biggest thing that could decide if there will be a me and him. If it doesn't work out then I don't know. It's start afresh again. Don't know if I can do that. So much effort for nothing type of thing. Was feeling really insecure so I said to Chink that I don't think he'll come at all, and he sent texts persuading me that of course he'll be there cause he's looking forward to it too much. I said you'll find an excuse; money, losing the ticket, circumstances. He sent me this text, "I will, I promise. Even if I'm as poor as a vagrant smackhead". I laughed at that despite not knowing what vagrant means. Looking it up, it says, "a person who wanders about idly and has no permanent home or employment; vagabond; tramp". Well, I hope he's not quite as bad as that.
Have an eye consultation tomorrow at the Dior counter. Can't wait ^.^ despite having a big fuck off spot at the end of my nose. Everyone has said I've got pen on my nose and I've had to explain to everyone, which really was not the best thing. Makes me really paranoid and Karl pointing it out and laughing loudly didn't do much for my confidence. He's can be a knob sometimes.
xXx
Stayed at Karl's last night. Si was all good with me all day being nice, then Karl and him went to the pub and they came back and Si was all going on about shagging people and I mean - come on - I've been sleeping with him for 5 months knowing nothing is going to come of it. Doesn't mean he has to start going on about that. It'll definately make me sleep with him less. When he shags his bit on the side - it's only been twice but the condom split so he had to stop. What if the condom splits when he's shagging a random who also has a STD. Not sure if I want to take the risk. Gen said I've got Chink now so Si can go to hell but Chink isn't exactly here right now is it. He's not to hand and I don't particularly want to sleep with any random people so oh well. I'm sure Karl is encouraging it too. Si stops talkin about it and is fine with me then Karl will look over, see we're fine and bring it up again. It's making things awkward. i don't know what he's playing at. But if I've learnt anything by knowing Si it's the fact a lot of the time he's all mouth and nothing more. Bless him. This morning Si still wasn't 100% better so he stayed at home; Karl wasn't at work and Gen n Rich went out to work. We sat there and had a great smoke and I've been fucked all day lol.
Chink is probably going to be skint when he comes over, oooo less than 3 weeks now. So it'll be nice not to have to "entertain" him, you know, go out and stuff because he knows I can't afford it so we'll just be chilling. That I guess will be the most realistic thing to do if he's thinking of moving. Obviously it's not a "normal" situation but sitting around chilling in each other's company will be the biggest thing that could decide if there will be a me and him. If it doesn't work out then I don't know. It's start afresh again. Don't know if I can do that. So much effort for nothing type of thing. Was feeling really insecure so I said to Chink that I don't think he'll come at all, and he sent texts persuading me that of course he'll be there cause he's looking forward to it too much. I said you'll find an excuse; money, losing the ticket, circumstances. He sent me this text, "I will, I promise. Even if I'm as poor as a vagrant smackhead". I laughed at that despite not knowing what vagrant means. Looking it up, it says, "a person who wanders about idly and has no permanent home or employment; vagabond; tramp". Well, I hope he's not quite as bad as that.
Have an eye consultation tomorrow at the Dior counter. Can't wait ^.^ despite having a big fuck off spot at the end of my nose. Everyone has said I've got pen on my nose and I've had to explain to everyone, which really was not the best thing. Makes me really paranoid and Karl pointing it out and laughing loudly didn't do much for my confidence. He's can be a knob sometimes.
xXx
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
5 Months!!
I was talking to Kate last night; Simon and I have been erm...sleeping with each other for 5 months now! That's actually longer than my longest relationship of 4 months. How crazy is that! How can I be doing that with someone for so long and really not have strong feelings for them. I must be very good at emotionally detaching myself. The girl he insists he only slept with twice has seemed to have disappeared off the scene. Nobody has mentioned anything; maybe she's gone back with her boyfriend. Either way it was twice which isn't a lot and he's promised me there has been no one else. It was casually brought up - didn't want him to think otherwise. I am slowly starting to get a lil bored of Simon - that's so nasty on my part lol. Well at the end of the day, 5 months is a long time to be so coupley with each other at times yet not go out.
I slept over at Gen's on Sunday night. Well I got there about 4ish cause me and Gen were going to have a girly talk - I want to talk to her about the Darren thing. Well Rich told her they were going out to Lisa and Adam's for a BBQ so I ended up having an alright night with Karl and Si. Gen, as soon as she came back saw that we had Guitar Heroes on (oh yea baby!) and her and Rich went upstairs to watch TV although we told her we'd switch it off. Karl went to bed early as he told me yesterday in work "Si wanted a blowjob and you wouldn't give him one in front of me so I went to bed". I informed Karl that he didn't get one anyway. I was about to fall asleep when Karl went upstairs and Simon suddenly "woke up" and we ended up staying up till half 4 in the morning . So 5 hours of sex - I hurt very much so even now! When I got Si up for work yesterday morning because I was busy in the day I decided to get bus with them. So we trundled to the bus stop at half 7 (ahhh) and saw dopey ben who looked wrecked on the bus. Then a guy who used to work at the site a year ago called Ryan got on. When Si left the bus he kissed my forehead and told me he'd see me later. Ben, Rich and Si got off and Ryan was left. He started asking questions; "are you and Simon going out?" I was like er no. And we chatted shit cause he was getting off at my stop in Ainsdale then he asked for my number. I hate turning people down so I said yea and he said text him if I'm at Gen's cause he lives liturally round the corner. Ok I said. Yea a number I will never use lol.
Yesterday I had an exam. Apparently without even attending the other exams I've passed them. I mini revised for a total of 20 minutes. In the exam I had a room to myself which was cool cause I could start bang on half 1 and finish bang on half 3. By the time I had missed a bus and Colin had come pick me up after the exam the sports hall people hadn't even got out so it definately proved beneficial considering I had work as well. I wrote 16 pages of A4 and filled the booklet. How on earth I had anything to write about after 20 minutes revising is beyond me! Maybe I got lucky.
Got to work yesterday and Barbara was talking to a load of the george colleagues down the other end of the department. Then they all came back because they finished at 5. Ray and Ben the 5oclock colleagues came in and Barbara took them both aside. I found out that SHE'S LEAVING! Also, I was the only person she didn't tell face to face and I heard it. She's going to the Fulwood store (I used to live right next to it) to manage home and leisure. Instead as her replacement we are going to have a manager and an assistant manager so there's always someone in. Hopefully Barbara will pass on that I'm a service desk colleague and not try make me do the shitty stuff like rumble for 10 hours. Barbara says she puts me on there because I'm good at it (and slow at rumbling cause the boredom gets to me too much) and good with the customers unlike some of the younger ones who's attitude is don't give a shit. Was talking to one of the younger ones the other day. I said; "I think Barbara might put me on here cause I get rid of every return and it's a clean slate for the next day". The girl replied "I just leave them. The day staff leave it for me so I leave it for them cause it's there mess and I can't be bothered". Yea you go........team spirit obviously.
Today I've got a doctors appointment at 9:40 to get more pills and to sort out my back; got to get to college at 11:30 to drop books off and then go to work later. Fun day......not
xXx
I slept over at Gen's on Sunday night. Well I got there about 4ish cause me and Gen were going to have a girly talk - I want to talk to her about the Darren thing. Well Rich told her they were going out to Lisa and Adam's for a BBQ so I ended up having an alright night with Karl and Si. Gen, as soon as she came back saw that we had Guitar Heroes on (oh yea baby!) and her and Rich went upstairs to watch TV although we told her we'd switch it off. Karl went to bed early as he told me yesterday in work "Si wanted a blowjob and you wouldn't give him one in front of me so I went to bed". I informed Karl that he didn't get one anyway. I was about to fall asleep when Karl went upstairs and Simon suddenly "woke up" and we ended up staying up till half 4 in the morning . So 5 hours of sex - I hurt very much so even now! When I got Si up for work yesterday morning because I was busy in the day I decided to get bus with them. So we trundled to the bus stop at half 7 (ahhh) and saw dopey ben who looked wrecked on the bus. Then a guy who used to work at the site a year ago called Ryan got on. When Si left the bus he kissed my forehead and told me he'd see me later. Ben, Rich and Si got off and Ryan was left. He started asking questions; "are you and Simon going out?" I was like er no. And we chatted shit cause he was getting off at my stop in Ainsdale then he asked for my number. I hate turning people down so I said yea and he said text him if I'm at Gen's cause he lives liturally round the corner. Ok I said. Yea a number I will never use lol.
Yesterday I had an exam. Apparently without even attending the other exams I've passed them. I mini revised for a total of 20 minutes. In the exam I had a room to myself which was cool cause I could start bang on half 1 and finish bang on half 3. By the time I had missed a bus and Colin had come pick me up after the exam the sports hall people hadn't even got out so it definately proved beneficial considering I had work as well. I wrote 16 pages of A4 and filled the booklet. How on earth I had anything to write about after 20 minutes revising is beyond me! Maybe I got lucky.
Got to work yesterday and Barbara was talking to a load of the george colleagues down the other end of the department. Then they all came back because they finished at 5. Ray and Ben the 5oclock colleagues came in and Barbara took them both aside. I found out that SHE'S LEAVING! Also, I was the only person she didn't tell face to face and I heard it. She's going to the Fulwood store (I used to live right next to it) to manage home and leisure. Instead as her replacement we are going to have a manager and an assistant manager so there's always someone in. Hopefully Barbara will pass on that I'm a service desk colleague and not try make me do the shitty stuff like rumble for 10 hours. Barbara says she puts me on there because I'm good at it (and slow at rumbling cause the boredom gets to me too much) and good with the customers unlike some of the younger ones who's attitude is don't give a shit. Was talking to one of the younger ones the other day. I said; "I think Barbara might put me on here cause I get rid of every return and it's a clean slate for the next day". The girl replied "I just leave them. The day staff leave it for me so I leave it for them cause it's there mess and I can't be bothered". Yea you go........team spirit obviously.
Today I've got a doctors appointment at 9:40 to get more pills and to sort out my back; got to get to college at 11:30 to drop books off and then go to work later. Fun day......not
xXx
Friday, 13 June 2008
What Would You Like To Say To The Last Person You Kissed?..................Bedroom.........Now!
lol well that was my answer to a question on myspaz. God where is Si when you need him. And the little mofo said no to tomorrow night = o cheeky fucker. Where's my sex = (
Well I've been thinking more about what Chink said about everything. When he comes and it's all good I might just go for it. Life is about taking risks - and I think I'm willing to take this risk. Like my good wise ol' friend Nikki said basically: it's a win-win situation. If it goes well then great if not I've got my mother's to go back to and he can go back to Burnley. He seems extremely motivated for this new change and for me so that can only be a good thing. When he comes over in July it's either £30 per person per night in a B&B which for 2 nights will cost £120. 3 nights in an apartment will cost £114. So I think it's Pontins here we come ^.^ Dominic said he may be able to give us his hotel room so that'll all be good.
I made my witness statement to the police about the psycho bitch that's on the loose. Basically my ex turned up at my doorstep one Thursday in April. We spent the day together, he came onto me and kissed me. He told me how much he missed me etc. and I agreed cause I'm not as much of a bitch as to say that. He then announces he has a gf and we went to pick her up from work. I tried being nice and she was a twat. I text my ex Matt a random "Hi, you alright? Been up to much?" text. Got a reply saying "Matt fuckin hates u, he's never liked you" kind of thing but with a lot worse grammar. I text back and said (stupid I know) "well why did he cheat on his gf with me?" she asked a few questions and I answered them honestly. Then the crazy bitch decides Matt is the poor victim in all of this and now she's been trying to jump me, sent me threatening texts. She is basically stalking me now, she drives around looking for me in his car, constantly hangs around my work, after work. She's a stalker. So the bizzie at the station said they'll probably be arrested on Tue and it'll go straight to court. Apparently it's not just Jasmin (Aladdin anyone?) that'll be arrested, Matt will be arrested for assisting and they'll get done for stalking (harassment basically). I told them that violence doesn't solve anything but small minded thug-ish people like her would never listen to sound advice. At the end of the day - what goes around, comes around.
My final words for the day: It Might Just Work
xXx
Well I've been thinking more about what Chink said about everything. When he comes and it's all good I might just go for it. Life is about taking risks - and I think I'm willing to take this risk. Like my good wise ol' friend Nikki said basically: it's a win-win situation. If it goes well then great if not I've got my mother's to go back to and he can go back to Burnley. He seems extremely motivated for this new change and for me so that can only be a good thing. When he comes over in July it's either £30 per person per night in a B&B which for 2 nights will cost £120. 3 nights in an apartment will cost £114. So I think it's Pontins here we come ^.^ Dominic said he may be able to give us his hotel room so that'll all be good.
I made my witness statement to the police about the psycho bitch that's on the loose. Basically my ex turned up at my doorstep one Thursday in April. We spent the day together, he came onto me and kissed me. He told me how much he missed me etc. and I agreed cause I'm not as much of a bitch as to say that. He then announces he has a gf and we went to pick her up from work. I tried being nice and she was a twat. I text my ex Matt a random "Hi, you alright? Been up to much?" text. Got a reply saying "Matt fuckin hates u, he's never liked you" kind of thing but with a lot worse grammar. I text back and said (stupid I know) "well why did he cheat on his gf with me?" she asked a few questions and I answered them honestly. Then the crazy bitch decides Matt is the poor victim in all of this and now she's been trying to jump me, sent me threatening texts. She is basically stalking me now, she drives around looking for me in his car, constantly hangs around my work, after work. She's a stalker. So the bizzie at the station said they'll probably be arrested on Tue and it'll go straight to court. Apparently it's not just Jasmin (Aladdin anyone?) that'll be arrested, Matt will be arrested for assisting and they'll get done for stalking (harassment basically). I told them that violence doesn't solve anything but small minded thug-ish people like her would never listen to sound advice. At the end of the day - what goes around, comes around.
My final words for the day: It Might Just Work
xXx
I Can't Make My Own Decisions
Well Simon and I made up. We talked. Actually Friday I was at Karl's because his best friend Ricky was down and Ricky and decided he likes me now so we all had a good time chilling out. Friday we just got very stoned and drank a fair bit. Well I did after I mished it over after work at 10. Went to work 12-10 Saturday on speed to get me through the day and went back up to Gen's after that. Gen n Rich were with Aaron taking MDMA and I went upstairs with Ricky, Karl and Si and had a load of coke, weed, took MDMA, beer. Everyone ended up falling out cause Ricky, Karl, Si and I were on different drugs so different atmospheres were needed. Gen ended up going upstairs to calm down cus shewere too high and Rich and Aaron went after her and didn't see them till Aaron came down at 5.30 Sunday morning to tell us he was going. Ricky went to Karl's room and crashed and Karl fell asleep on the recliner. Si and I pulled an alnighter with help from speed. Was nice though. We talked and played the whole night. I told him I was funny cus I thought he'd slept with his bit on the side and he was like "ooo no, don't worry, only slept with her twice and thats it". So I'm his main girl apparently haha. So we spent all day Sunday not moving on the sofa together. We were very cuddly and coupley and it's confusing.
There have been tensions in that house though. On Wednesday I was over, Karl and Si went straight upstairs cause Gen had a go at them for treating it like a dosshouse. I got really bored cause Gen and Rich were just cuddling and not talking and boring shit was on TV so I went upstairs and Karl and Si told me to close the door and come and sit. So I had a couple of joints with them and talked. They just wanted to chill out and I was welcome but at the end of the day Gens my friend. I know they are but Gen is more I guess. I invited Si to stay Saturday night cause my mother is going to Dublin for the weekend and Colin is out at 7 in the morning. He was wrecked when I asked so don't exactly know the answer to the question. I'll ask tomorrow.
Got a text this morning from Chink. Darren Laycock. It's been a while since we've talked, since I've moved really. We spoke on the phone for like an hour and been texting all day. We were just talking about everything and he's decided he wants to come over and move in with me. Well he wants me to get a shitty place for now, him move in then we'll upgrade to a bigger place. He says he's fed up of Burnley and I'm "Good looking, intelligent" and he "feels comfortable around me". So I don't exactly know what it's all meant to mean. He said he's missed me. But why now and why me. He's coming over July 11 for the weekend and we'll see how it goes from there. I said to him, "do you not want to check out the area and see me how I am now". And he said he went to pleasureland once so he likes the area and he knows me. So now I have no idea what to do.
Do I go solo with a man that I've known for years ? What about Simon? I do like him but I don't know if we're going anywhere or if we'll ever go anywhere. I don't even know if everything will materialise with Chink, and I don't even know what to think. My friend said she thinks he's telling me what I want to hear, but at the end of the day. Chink knows that I don't want to hear that, he knows I'd be happy seeing him for the weekend and getting a jolly good fucking off him (cause he is shit hot in bed) and now he's deciding I'm the girl for him. Why can't bloody Si say that. Talking about Karl and Si actually, Si confides in me a lot now as does Karl. They just expect me to be a great confidant. I don't mind cause they're my friends. But since when did our friendship go to the next level? Gen still thinks Si and I will make it as a couple.
So, Si or Chink? (Funny thing is they are extremely similar people just Si is louder). Who would I rather have my sights on. Well, ideally, I'd like me and Si to make it. We get on great, we've spent so long together and we're so coupley even in front of others but; he's got his bit on the side. Fair do's Si says they've only slept together only twice but Gen says when the other Gen comes over he does kiss her and cuddle her. He doesn't see her often, apparently he sees her when she's at her shift at Morrisons and walks past but apart from that they don't seem to be meeting up as much. I hope she goes back to her ex bf. Chink on the other hand, we've had our ups and downs. But he knows where he stands with me at the moment. I think the weekend he comes down will be the indication if I do want him. I know he's changed, but how much?
Ah I hate decisions. So:
- do I wait on for Si to realise what he's got and what he needs to keep hold of?
OR
- do I accept Chink wants me and misses me and get with him?
How about I stay single and carry on the way I am; I'm not doing great but I'm doing alright; aren't I?
xXx
There have been tensions in that house though. On Wednesday I was over, Karl and Si went straight upstairs cause Gen had a go at them for treating it like a dosshouse. I got really bored cause Gen and Rich were just cuddling and not talking and boring shit was on TV so I went upstairs and Karl and Si told me to close the door and come and sit. So I had a couple of joints with them and talked. They just wanted to chill out and I was welcome but at the end of the day Gens my friend. I know they are but Gen is more I guess. I invited Si to stay Saturday night cause my mother is going to Dublin for the weekend and Colin is out at 7 in the morning. He was wrecked when I asked so don't exactly know the answer to the question. I'll ask tomorrow.
Got a text this morning from Chink. Darren Laycock. It's been a while since we've talked, since I've moved really. We spoke on the phone for like an hour and been texting all day. We were just talking about everything and he's decided he wants to come over and move in with me. Well he wants me to get a shitty place for now, him move in then we'll upgrade to a bigger place. He says he's fed up of Burnley and I'm "Good looking, intelligent" and he "feels comfortable around me". So I don't exactly know what it's all meant to mean. He said he's missed me. But why now and why me. He's coming over July 11 for the weekend and we'll see how it goes from there. I said to him, "do you not want to check out the area and see me how I am now". And he said he went to pleasureland once so he likes the area and he knows me. So now I have no idea what to do.
Do I go solo with a man that I've known for years ? What about Simon? I do like him but I don't know if we're going anywhere or if we'll ever go anywhere. I don't even know if everything will materialise with Chink, and I don't even know what to think. My friend said she thinks he's telling me what I want to hear, but at the end of the day. Chink knows that I don't want to hear that, he knows I'd be happy seeing him for the weekend and getting a jolly good fucking off him (cause he is shit hot in bed) and now he's deciding I'm the girl for him. Why can't bloody Si say that. Talking about Karl and Si actually, Si confides in me a lot now as does Karl. They just expect me to be a great confidant. I don't mind cause they're my friends. But since when did our friendship go to the next level? Gen still thinks Si and I will make it as a couple.
So, Si or Chink? (Funny thing is they are extremely similar people just Si is louder). Who would I rather have my sights on. Well, ideally, I'd like me and Si to make it. We get on great, we've spent so long together and we're so coupley even in front of others but; he's got his bit on the side. Fair do's Si says they've only slept together only twice but Gen says when the other Gen comes over he does kiss her and cuddle her. He doesn't see her often, apparently he sees her when she's at her shift at Morrisons and walks past but apart from that they don't seem to be meeting up as much. I hope she goes back to her ex bf. Chink on the other hand, we've had our ups and downs. But he knows where he stands with me at the moment. I think the weekend he comes down will be the indication if I do want him. I know he's changed, but how much?
Ah I hate decisions. So:
- do I wait on for Si to realise what he's got and what he needs to keep hold of?
OR
- do I accept Chink wants me and misses me and get with him?
How about I stay single and carry on the way I am; I'm not doing great but I'm doing alright; aren't I?
xXx
